Aussie Grump. F**kin Great, Mate.

Letter sent to the Australian Foreign Affairs Minster.

Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believethis.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knowsthat I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back in 1997,and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born andon what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all theincome tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my driver'slicence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupidcustoms declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed offthe planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable censusforms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.
Also..would somebody please take note, once and for all, that mymother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutelyfucking astounded if that ever changed between now and when I dropdead!!!...
SHIT!
I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning.Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bullshit! You send theapplication to my house, then you ask me for my fucking address!! Whatthe hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindlessNeanderthal arseholes workin' there!
And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? Ican't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to NewZealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with aKiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shitwhether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever gotthe urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me,I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of thecity, and get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, and to partwith another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, toassist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?? Nooooo..that'd be too fucking easy and makes far too much sense. You would muchprefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with ourfucking heads cut off, and then having to find some high society wankerto confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know thephoto..the one where we're not allowed to smile?! ...you fucking morons

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.
P.S Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone inhigh-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in thiscountry since before 1850!
In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You doremember the Eureka Stockade!!)
I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high securityclearances.
I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL.. and Lt GeneralPeter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.
However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'important' toverify who I am; You know.. someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN ANDRAISED IN FUCKING PAKISTAN!!!......a country where they eitherassassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from theCommonwealth for not having the 'right sort of government.'
You are all Fucking idiots