Grumpy o'Man Hates Country Shows, But....

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OK. It should be said I hate country shows. Loathe is another appropriate word. As a cub reporter I was forced to attend and type out ream after ream of results.

At a Bishop's Castle show, I silently rebelled and intentionally ignored the goat competition. Nobody noticed. Result! It was one of the highlights of my miserable, grumpy existence.

So, dear reader, you will understand why you wouldn't get me into a "fayre" with a super-charged cattle prod. A "fayre", for heaven's sake. What sort of people use words like that.

But that smooth-talking m***** f****** Jeremy Clarkson, of Top Gear fame, has almost persuaded me to give them another try. It won't happen, but for a second I was tempted.

Therefore, a bit from Jezza's The Sunday Times piece. As a taster:

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"Sadly, it’s illegal to use pliers on the other problem: the local lord who turns up in a crap suit with a walking stick to mooch about with a grumpy face, judging bonsai trees, cauliflowers and the face-painting competition. He looks like he’s hating it. He’ll tell his friends he hates it. But the fact is this: every year, he organises his holidays around the show so that he can go. He loves it because for one marvellous day it’s 1850 again. He is not some moth-eaten old buffer in a leaky house. He’s the lord. He’s in charge. And he’s a prat for pretending it doesn’t make his heart soar.
I only intended going to the village show for an hour or so. But I stayed till I was so drunk I could barely stand up. I’d seen more emotion than I’ve seen in the past 100 Hollywood movies. I’d eaten horrible food, got a massively sunburnt face and laughed, really laughed, with my children at the sheep’s enormous testicles. It was, quite simply, the perfect day."

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Not often is joie de vivre promoted in this blog. But if you can cope, here's the link:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/jeremy_clarkson/article6735911.ece

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